"Protos" seems quite fitting.

I'm typing and licking my keyboard at the same time. That's because I'm on the computer and eating a PB&J at the same time. I like really sloppy PB&Js, so I'm licking up post-ooze jam. Post-ooze jam--I'm not sure why I like the sound of that so much.

Well just because I'm eating PB&J doesn't mean I've given up on my lofty endeavor. I'm still cooking. Actually, I've missed the cut-off for a meal plan, so I've made my bed, now I'll have to sleep--or eat-- in it. I should also acquire a nightstand with a drawer that I can keep a pastrami sandwich in.

So I have been cooking, I just haven't been writing. It's the start of the semester, we all gotsa ton of ish going on, and when I'm not busy I'm lazy, lethargic and HUNGRY. The only reason I'm writing this now is because it's the start of the weekend, so I don't feel like doing any real work and because I leave the tab up so every day I go without posting (this is a "food blog" and I haven't posted any food yet) I feel guilty. So, I figured I should post something even though I'm the least bit inspired to do so.

---~Holy PHO it's Valentine's Day! How one forgets. I tried to solicit my Valentines "services" via social networks, but to no avail. Alas, I am sans Valentine this year. The reason I'm slightly bummed by this  is because I was going to use it as an excuse to go all out on preparing a dinner--I usually go all out with a nice dinner and other hopelessly romantic BULL, but I thought I'd change it up and keep the grub and in-house operation. Maybe I'll make something dope for myself and save half the cash I would have left in the supermarket.  That's all I have to say on the subject of V-Day because I'm rather indifferent. ~---

This post is feeling so forced--my apologies. Overwhelming apathy.

Anyway, I'll just post some of my handiwork. I think I'm improving. I still spend a lot of time on foodgawker and other sites like it, looking at recipes and all that, but I'm less strict about following them. At the start I was a scientist, carefully measuring each and every ingredient. Now I make substitutions, haphazardly eye measurements and more or less hope for the best. It's more fun, less stressful and you get to make things your own. I'm definitely not completely there yet--I still find myself scrolling through my iPad with a greasy finger because I forgot how much cumin I was supposed to use. I'm just worried about my food coming out tasting like moldy toe nails because I was careless and wasting an hour of study time. Well,  without further ado, he's a dinner I made a couple of nights ago without strictly adhering to a recipe. I'd heard about a combination of foods that I thought sounded interesting, so I bought said ingredients and cooked em up. So the measurements in the recipe that follows are not exact--include more or less of the ish that you like more or less. I'm all about preferential treatment.

Ingredients:

-brussel sprouts
-mushrooms (I used baby bellas)
-quinoa
-pomegranate
-olive oil
-water
-salt, pepper, chili flakes, oregano, thyme

Sweet Potato Fries:
-sweet potato
-olive oil
-fresh rosemary
-salt and pepper

GO!

Cut the sprouts in half and toss them in a bowl with olive oil, salt, pepper and chili. Then put them in the oven on a baking sheet for about a half an hour at 400F. Shake the baking sheet about halfway through to move them around so they get nice and crispy and a little browned on the outside.

Oh, I put my sweet potato fries on the same sheet. To make these, slice up a sweet potato, put the fries in a bowl with olive oil, salt, pepper and rosemary and then put them on the sheet with the sprouts. Depending on how crispy you want them, you may want to put them on a separate sheet and put them in before the sprouts.

While that ish is baking, make the quinoa according the package it comes in. I used about a half cup. I put some balsamic and a pinch of salt in with the water, too.

Cut up the pomegranate and get it all over your shirt like I did. Then take off your shirt, even though it's already ruined, to prevent further staining. Then do whatever you want when the sweet ellixer drips all over you when you're shirtless.

Lastly, cook up the shrooms. Just sautee them with olive oil, salt, pepper, oregano and thyme.

Put it all on a plate and DEVOUR.

Pomegranates only heightened your tooth's fervor for something sweet? I went out on a limb here. I had an extra avocado lying around. I wanted ice cream but didn't feel like leaving to go get any. What I did have a was sweetened condensed milk, though I'm not really sure why. Oh and a lemon. I bough this mini chopped from Black and Decker on Amazon for ten bucks and it's come in handy for milkshakes and pesto. This time, I put in cut up avocado, about 6oz of sweetened condensed milk and some lemon juice. Put it in there and blend it to a buttery smooth consistency. HERE'S WHERE IT GETS AWESOME>>>when it's done you have two options---do you want some dope creme brulee or supa smooth avocado ice cream?

I made BOTH (not at the same time). ^^^^^Obviously the creme brulee. There's not picture of the ice cream because as soon as it was ready spooned it right out of the container into my face.

CREME BRULEE:
After you've gotten it to a smooth consistency with lemon to taste, put in in the fridge for an hour or so. Then scoop it into a ramekin (or coffee mug if you're a college kid with limited resources) and brulee that ish. I don't have a blowtorch, so i just used the broiler. Just put some sugar on top of the custard and torch/broil so it caramelizes.

ICECREAM: If you've got leftover custard from the creme brûlée, or you'd just rather have ice cream than creme brulee, put the custard into the freezer (once again, college kid, no ice cream maker--obviously). Once it freezes up, take it out, churn it up with a spoon, toss it back in the freezer. Do that a couple times till you have the best avocado ice cream ever.

I got scRamblin' on my mind.

Every food blog title has to be a pun or a meta joke right? Yes, I'm starting a food blog (though the G-man knows this will probably be my only entry). Yes, I know, I'll have to figure out some way to earn back my Man Card...

Why the hell am I doing this? Well, I'll get a little detailed and give you the stream of consciousness. I was in the shower thinking about showering (stick with me here) because last night, at dinner with some friends, we were talking about sitting in the shower, so while I was in the shower I was thinking about all of the fun things I like to do in there—use your imagination (think outside the box, then put all of those idea inside the box—and by box I mean tub). During the conversation at dinner, somebody said something like “ew” at the thought of eating in the shower, which reminded me of the Seinfeld episode where Kramer installs a garbage disposal in his shower and starts cooking all of his meals whilst staying all hot and steamy (can't believe I just used “hot and steamy” in reference to Cosmo Kramer, but whateva meng).

This stream of consciousness thing is taking to long so...segue. I subscribe to foodgawker on my Google Reader which drives me crazy because I don't cook. I make the occasional scrambled eggs and I'll throw a turkey sandwich under the broiler to melt the cheese, but that's about the extent of it. I've never had too; I've been spoiled rotten with parents that know how to cook up a damn good meal and enjoy doing so. Thus, over the years I've become an accidental food douche without ever having to learn how prepare a thing. I'll chew and swallow anything that won't kill me (I guess that's just a figure of speech—I've eaten fugu), but I don't know how to cook rice. This would all be perfectly fine if I were to live at home forever with Mommy and Daddy, but now I'm back at school and this year I don't live above a dining hall. I'd have to walk out into the cold and fright of the Big {Bad} Apple and I'm a cute little white boy with a tight...pair of pants. Plus, I'm convinced I could learn to make something at least as edible as the cook who was caught tenderizing his meat in the bathroom of the dining hall and (I believe) has since been fired—and all for less than the 12 bucks or so per meal that NYU charges.

By the end of this semester, I'll be the Master Chef of the dorm room kitchenette.

My previous statement was (most likely) false. I'll forget about this/lose ambition in a week and I'll break down and get a meal plan so I don't starve. I guess I should explain a little more about myself so you can understand why that is and to further explain why I'm starting this “blog.”

Someone once called me a “Renaissance Man.” I laughed in their face.

You see, I do a lot of things. I catch some people off guard with the random things I'm into—or was once into. I played hockey and basketball, I run track and XC at NYU, I juggle knives, I ride a unicycle, I've been in too many musicals, I can ride any kind of board, I play chess, I like improv, the list goes on. Am I a polymath? F*CK no. The big difference between me and ma boyz Leo and Archimedes is that they excelled at all they did—I get as far a mediocrity and every now and then slightly above average and then I move on to something else. In short, I dabble. I'm not terribly GOOD at anything, really—except for maybe self-deprecation (which likely stems partly from when I was younger and wanted to be a stand-up comedian and I read about how you should poke fun at yourself to get the crowd's guard down), run-on sentences and growing a really patchy beard. So when I get older all I'll have to show for my erratic endeavors will be something like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2yH5pyCZwE

Yep, I'll be making egg puns and tossing up “columns “and “the magnet” for my son and/or daughter like good ol' Nucky. So this is an experiment. Will I continue to cook for myself? Will I starve? I'm thinking that, with an insatiable stomach and limited dinero (did I mention I dabble in Español as well?), I have a better chance at replicating a 5 estrella meal than I do becoming the next Gretsky or Prefontaine. Of course, the odds are still stacked against me with a busy schedule, Mamoun's Falafel right around the corner, a concerning amount of apathy (see what I did there?), a debilitating inability to concentrate that will forever go unmedicated and, of course, too much hanging out at the Procrastination Station.

Also, the only reason I'm okay with writing this and maybe even posting it somewhere is because I know that nobody actually reads food blogs, we're only there for the pictures and mayhaps the tutorial (that's called a “recipe” in foodspeak, right?). I'm including myself because I couldn't give two schnitzels (shameless) about the blogger's life when all I want is my fix just as much as the next junkie who likes food porn more than actual porn (except for the kind that kind that includes food, of course). Thus, I won't proofread any of this, I won't read it over, I won't trim down the sentences (if you're gonna try reading this aloud get a better lung capacity, yadouche, because the periods will be few and far between and I don't care what you think).

wtf, it's not even the cinnamon kind?

I want this guy^^^ on top of this guy vvv

this is the....kitsch? and yes, the bathroom is in mighty close proximity

Since this was an extremely lengthy introductory entry, I'll save my latest creation, which was dubbed “so 2001” by a friend, for a later date—or, guess, an early date? I'm confused. Whatever, I'll just include a picture of the high fructose corn syrup that my body is about to process, what I would like to be eating right now and a shot of my kitchen.